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Frugalicious: Satisfying your Hierarchy of Needs

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How many freebies will you get?

How many freebies will you get?

How many freebies will you get?

Ashley Chan, Layout Editor

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Abraham Maslow is not the only person who believes that food is the most important ingredient to sustain the human body. Food provides us with calories, which provides us with energy, which fuels our active minds and bodies. Actually, we don’t even need energy. Food is pleasure and happiness– but so are the crumpled bills in my wallet. So how do you achieve the two ingredients to everlasting human happiness you ask?

Let’s be honest. It doesn’t matter what you’re eating or how much you’re eating. If it’s free– whatever food lies before your eyes gains super brownie points and its smells penetrate the walls of your home, skin, and brain. You smell the food. You think food. And you want food. You want to achieve the satisfying feeling of obtaining that cheesy taco thing after a long day of walking around, looking for samples. What am I talking about? You got it– wholesale warehouses.

If your parents do not have a club membership at a wholesale warehouse like BJ’s, Costco, or Sam’s Club yet, you absolutely must find a way to be a good son or daughter and convince them. Your hierarchy of needs depend on it. Once you get the membership, your lunch is taken care of each visit. All it takes is a few outfit changes, some friends, and a suave sample. Those of you who have memberships know what I’m talking about. One does not simply get one free taco sample. You see, you have three family members with you, so you absolutely must get four samples for each of your family members. But darn, you lost your parents in such a large warehouse, so you must eat all four samples yourself before the tacos get cold. Fortunately, you find your mother and she would like to try a sample. Little did she know that you already had four. The process repeats until you take care of your entree, appetizer, and on the good Saturdays in the early afternoon, dessert.

Not slick enough to go on a rampage at your warehouse? Then lucky for you, it’s your birthday! Many restaurants like Panera Bread, California Pizza Kitchen, and Chili’s provide you with a free food item on your birthday or when you sign up. If you’re like me, you forget your emails and passwords and thus make several accounts– after using your coupons of course. For just signing up for an account at Panera Bread, you get a free dessert item. I don’t even like dessert! But hey, my food needs have already been taken care of after going to Costco so now I want to satisfy my self esteem and identity needs by getting a free dessert. You can show off to all of your friends and treat them to that delicious cupcake earned by your email signup skills.

Now, I may get backlash from the capitalists and business people reading this, but this free food benefits the companies. I mean, it is a part of a wholesale warehouse’s identity to have free cheesy taco samples. Another popular sample is the hummus and pita chip sample. Mmmm.. personally, I just use the pita chip to scoop the hummus #efficiency. Anyway, who would go to a huge unattractive warehouse thirty minutes away if not for the samples? As for restaurants like Panera Bread, freebies keep the customers coming back. Eventually, they’ll feel guilty or hungry enough to order something more.

So before you question the morality of taking too many free samples, remember that you are the consumer that has been sucked in by the abyss of American capitalism. All you’re doing is maximizing the benefits of the ride.

 

 

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